The Camanachd Association has received National Lottery Funding to set up a group to help sufferers of a newly diagnosed condition, referred to as shintyitis.
A new group called “Shinty Addicts” will be formed with a number of branches set up throughout the country.
Sufferers of shintyitis report numerous symptoms such as waking in their sleep shouting phrases such as, “kick!”, “the ball was there” and “typical Camanachd Association!” as well as attempting to check shinty banter on Facebook on a Saturday evening without being spotted by their partner. In some severe cases, sufferers have been downloading and then listening to re-runs of shinty matches broadcast on Cuillin FM’s Camanachd Live Show – sometimes even listening to the same match more than once.
Many of the various symptoms have been passed down through generations. However it is common for there to be a reluctance from sufferers to accept their condition and the affect it can have on those around them and this is where it is hoped that group therapy will help.
Reported incidents reach a peak at the end of the 2015 shinty season. However there have been no reported cases where the condition is so acute that the sufferer has asked to watch the recently touted “Iomain” game throughout the winter months.
The treatment will also stretch to family members of sufferers who have to deal with the mood swings and rantings of their partners and other family members.
The group sessions will be scheduled to take place between 2.30pm and 4.15pm on a Saturday afternoon during the winter months when the symptoms are considered to be at their worst. There will be a 10 minute interval break to eat cut-up oranges and jelly babies, have water bottles squirted on your head and where the participants will be shouted at before they swap seats for the second half. There is strong anecdotal evidence that any alternative therapy methods such as gardening, DIY, washing the car and shopping DO NOT WORK!
There will also be educational sessions in schools where pupils will be warned of the perils of courting a shinty player. It is important that anyone entering into such an arrangement knows that in the future; they will miss important family events, be late for dinner engagements, have limited opportunities to holiday abroad and generally have their lives run by the shinty fixture schedule between the months of February and November. Another consequence for the uninitiated entering into such a relationship with those suffering from shintyitis is the likelihood that conversations with friends at social occasions, which will often become heated, will centre on the latest shinty discussion point whether you are interested or not.
There will also be a national register set up where shinty playing males and females can put their names forward to date eachother. This will all limit the number of unsuspecting non-shinty individuals caught up in the shintyitis epidemic. Shinty couples will be “matched up” and will hopefully enter into relationships and happily spend the rest of their lives together. Kyles Athletic’s Roddy MacColl and Lisa Norman-MacColl from Aberdour have been piloting such a scheme to great success for some time now and there will be some tangible results with us shortly.
If you feel you or someone close to you sufferers from shintyitis and would benefit from attending Shinty Addicts, you should contact Camanachd Association Chief Operating Officer Torquil MacLeod and he will arrange for you and / or your friend to be afforded the appropriate support.